Whatever it is....it's probably both an -itis and a crisis.
The reason for my sudden panic driven dilemma is that this is my Senior year of college and it's 'hopefully' my last year of college at the University of Kentucky.
Mixed emotions and ideas flood my mind when I think about what to do with my life after college graduation. Job, career, internship, graduate school, Peace Core or something else? Oh, the choices and the decisions!
I've always said that I wanted to move away from my home in Indiana and start a new exciting career and life somewhere else...by myself. But something totally unexpected happened to me this summer and now what I've always thought I've wanted to run away from is the one thing holding me back from moving away and starting something new.
I learned the lesson that life is short and precious and that it can be taken away at any second shortly after I had a tragic car accident in July 2008. (One month before I came to college). After my car accident, I made a promise to myself that I would take full advantage of my second chance at life and that I would live life to the fullest, be happy and have no regrets.
I had forgotten all about this promise I had made to myself, as I have drifted and have gotten all lost through the past three years of college. But this summer, the Summer of 2011, the summer before my Senior year of college...something or "someone" reminded me of this promise I had made to myself...so long ago.
I'm not going to go into any details, but the Summer of 2011 was what I would like to remember it as, "a bear-hearted summer". At the beginning of summer vacation I was the girl who never took risks or chances at climbing walls, I was...just Carol. Then towards the end of summer I had a revelation. I put all my broken memories behind me and I started to climb walls.
I finally feel like I'm beginning to become the person I've always wanted to be and I'm afraid that if I move away from home in Indiana after college graduation then I'll stop continuing to grow into being that person I've always wanted to be. That I'll become somebody else and I don't know if I'll like that person or not. Also I don't know if I can let go of my new fondness of wanting to stay in Indiana. That scares the Hell out of me in so many ways.
Oh, it's not an -itis or a crisis. It's Just Carolitis!
